Why don't you and mommy live together?

And just when you least expect it...BAM!  It's like a right hook out of nowhere.

After a lovely, chatty, laughter filled family meal this evening, Maya started showing off her artwork to me.  She showed me a drawing she made earlier today and explained that the people in the picture were Daddy, Mommy Jess (me), Mommy, Gizmo (our cat), Bailey (her mom's dog) and Maya.  I then asked what the item in the middle was.  That was "our house."  I said "Oooh, those are our houseS."  She quickly corrected me saying that we all lived together.  I just smiled and said Ok.

Then came the question.  The question I never expected, since Maya's parents have not lived together since her second birthday.  I figured she never would remember that.  I think I was right, but I never took into consideration that she might ask WHY.  And then it happened, "Daddy, why don't you and Mommy live together?"  He was clearly just as surprised by this question as I was, and after an awkward pause, I answered with a simple "Because Daddy lives with Mommy Jess."  Again came, "Why?".  This time Joe had an answer, "Because I love her, very much."  Smiling inside from his response, I never expected the conversation to take the next turn that it did.

Maya responded, without missing a beat, "but I don't like Mommy Jess."  There it is, the blow to the stomach.  The heart wrenching words I never expected to hear our of my gorgeous four year old's pretty little mouth.  A teenager maybe, I mean who hasn't hated their parents, real or step at some point in their teen years.  But this unprovoked blow just came from nowhere.  I feel like my skin went instantly pale.  Joe immediately tried to remedy the situation and was very upset by the comment.  It didn't matter, the apology was insincere and the damage was done.  Whoever came up with the "sticks and stones" mantra was never a stepmom.

It's just one of my little daily reminders that I'm not her "real" mom.  I don't get unconditional love from that little girl, even though I love her with all of my heart.  I have to earn it, every day.

As I write this, she is throwing a tantrum upstairs while her dad attempts to calm her down and get her ready for bed.  I'm hoping that sleep will be good for all of us, myself included, and that tomorrow will be a wonderful Thanksgiving.  A Thanksgiving for the memories. :)  Here's hoping!!

Happy early Thanksgiving!!